


Hell Ain't A Bad Place To Be

by Stucky4Bucky



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Comedy, Fluff, M/M, Prompt Fill, fairly odd couple, lots of bickering, post-avengers 1
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:07:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21897157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stucky4Bucky/pseuds/Stucky4Bucky
Summary: Fill of a prompt by:shikon-no-narakuLoki after the Avengers is punished by having his powers taken away and is banished to earth until he changes for the better, in the time he is there he is taken in for an interrogation by SHIELD who is informed by Thor of Loki's current predicament and they assign Tony to keep an eye on him, so Loki has to live in the Tower with Tony and they slowly get to learn about one another and develop a love hate relationship which they keep secret from everyone else until they get caught.
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark
Kudos: 11





	Hell Ain't A Bad Place To Be

“I really don’t see why you’re so angry. I only wanted you to see that I could be as worthy a king as your beloved Thor,” Loki scoffed.

“As worthy as Thor? Right now you are as unworthy as a bilgesnipe! You nearly destroyed the people you attempted to rule!” Odin glared an angry eye at his son.

“You should punish him father,” Thor interrupted. “He needs to learn the seriousness of his crimes. He obviously couldn't care less about the destruction he has caused.”

“Oh, shut up, oaf! You were the one who went to Jotunheim to start a war with the frost giants. Is your memory that short, Thor? Was it not I who warned you that it was a bad idea? Who was the destructive one then?” Loki was enraged.

“Silence!” Odin commanded. “I am too old and weary for your petty bickering. Loki, the seriousness of your crimes cannot be ignored. You nearly brought instability and destruction to the nine realms. You tried to enslave an entire planet that was under your brother’s protection simply out of spite.”

“You could’ve endangered Jane,” Thor said sharply

“Jane? Really? I kill a few hundred of your precious mortals and your thoughts go to that simple woman of yours. You see father? All he cares about is the woman in his bed. He doesn’t really care about Midgard. If Jane was on Vanaheim, I could have razed the whole planet into ashes and he could care less.”

“Your brother’s love life is of no concern to me! I care not for your false justifications, Loki. You always grasp at any excuse to cause mischief. I have been too lenient on you over the years. It is my fault you have turned into such a disappointment.”

“I am truly sorry to disappoint you father...it is obvious that you would have preferred a more agreeable...simple...witless son...one that would blindly obey you without question. I am sorry I could not be the obedient idiot you so desire. If you are going to punish me then punish me. Otherwise let me go because I have heard this all before.”

“You are right, son,” Odin said sternly. “It is time I end this song and dance of ours. I find I am all out of forgiveness. You will not change lest it is forced upon you.” The old man’s face darkened. “Loki Laufeyson, you have betrayed the express command of your king. Through your arrogance and greed you have cast grave destruction upon an innocent planet. You are unworthy of these realms, you are unworthy of these titles, you are unworthy of the home I have gifted you here. I take from you your power, by my father, and his father before. I, Odin Allfather, cast you out!”

“Wait! You can’t --” Loki was unable to finish as the blast from Odin’s scepter blasted him through the bifrost and down onto earth.

Loki’s eyes grew wide as he was about to crash right into the open top of a convertible. “Ahhhhh!!!!...Ouch!” he fell into the back seat of the car.

* * *

“Dirty deeds, dirt cheap,” Tony Stark sang along to ACDC as he cruised down the lone highway. He was having a good day. He’d remembered Pepper’s birthday for once and had avoided a scolding from her, and had also just finished a successful business meeting in which the Stark Phone 18 had been approved for mass production.

His smooth ride was rudely interrupted when a smoking ball crash landed through the top of his convertible.

“What the fuck!?” Tony shouted, hitting the breaks.

“Stark! Of all the places…” Loki mumbled to himself. “I demand you hand over this vehicle. I am taking it.”

“You!” Tony’s eyes widened as his very expensive car screeched to a halt. “Thor’s brother! Why the hell did you just drop from the sky?”

“There was a family...disagreement. Thor and Odin thought I should be punished for my earlier shenanigans. I disagreed. Now hand over the car please. “

“I’d sooner run you over. Didn’t we kick your ass all the way back to Asgard? Earth doesn’t want you here.”

“Trust me, Stark, I have no desire to be on your filthy, ignorant, planet. But I was forced to be here against my will. Now...how about the car?”

Sirens blared as several vehicles surrounded Tony’s convertible. “What’s going on here, Tony?” one of the men asked as they stepped out of the car. “We noticed some unusual energy in this area.”

“You tell me,” Tony shot back at the shield agent, stepping out of his car as well. “This jackass just fell into my lap like an unwanted present.”

“Jackass? Is that some Midgardian insult? Trust me, if I could choose a lap to fall into, it most certainly wouldn’t be yours. Now, if you and your friend don’t mind, I’ll just be on my way.”

“Loki! It’s Loki! Arrest him boys! But be careful, he’s a Norse god. We should call for backup!”

“I don't know if backup is necessary,” Tony taunted Loki. “Where’s your little scepter? You’re being decidedly less bossy than our last encounter.”

“Perhaps I have had a change of heart. Perhaps, I find it more to my advantage to cooperate with you mortals. For now.” Loki flashed a smile.

“Put your hands up!” a shield agent ordered, “or I’ll be forced to use force.” The agent pinned Loki to the vehicle and cuffed his hands behind his back. “I’d read you your Miranda Rights, but extraterrestrials don’t get those,” the man sneered.

“Go easy on him,” Tony said sarcastically. “That looks like it pinches.”

“Please, by all means press against me a little harder and I might just feel your tiny...Ouch.” Loki was pushed even harder against the car by the shield agent.

“Shut up, Loki! Just shut up and get in the car,” the shield agent was losing his patience. “And by the way, none of my women have complained, fucker.”

Tony snickered.

“You too, Stark!” another shield agent ordered. The agent stormed up to Tony and strong armed him into a second pair of handcuffs.

“Whaaa--” Tony struggled, confused. “Why am I being handcuffed? I’m not the villain here.”

“Fury wants you both brought in.”

“Would you like to share the backseat of the car with me, Stark? It appears you're on Fury’s naughty list as well,” Loki snickered.

“I told Fury before he can’t afford me,” Tony complained. “I’m raising my rates.”

“Yeah, yeah, Stark,” the agent said, unbothered. “Now hop into the backseat like a good little avenger.”

* * *

“Have a seat, Loki. I have a few questions for you.” Nick Fury sat at a table in the dark interrogation room.

“I have nothing to say to you. Really, I am quite useless to you. You should just let me go.” From where he was sitting across from Fury, Loki folded his cuffed hands on top of the table.

“Now, I don’t believe that’s true at all. For example, you could tell us exactly where you found those aliens that destroyed half of New York city.”

“Would you really like to know?” Loki leaned closer to Fury and looked around as if to check if anyone else was watching. “I found them on Facebook,” he whispered and then burst into laughter.

“I’m glad you find this to be a laughing matter. Let me put it this way...if you don’t tell us what we want to know, you will be here, in this room, for a very very long time.”

“Well, I am immortal. I can wait. Can you?” Loki grinned and leaned back in his chair. Suddenly, a booming voice could be heard coming from outside the room. _ Oh no, not the oaf,  _ Loki thought to himself. The last thing Loki needed was for Shield to be aware of his sudden...condition as an inferior, weak, powerless...mortal. Mortal...the word disgusted him.  _ How could father do this to me? _

“I see you’re already being meddlesome, brother,” Thor frowned, sweeping into the interrogation room with heavy footfalls.

“Nonsense, Thor. If anything, I had specifically requested to be set free. If I never see you or your friends again it would be too soon. However, it seems that director Fury never tires of my company for he wishes to keep me here forever.”

“Not forever, Loki. I just want some answers. After that, you will be tried over your crimes against Earth.”

“Tried? In your barbaric system you call justice? Please. Thor, please tell your pathetic friends that Asgard would never subject a prince to such treatment.”

“You are no prince,” Thor said sadly. “Not on earth. Not anymore. You are no more powerful than the mortals you love to scorn.”

“What are you talking about Thor? You mean to tell me that Loki is powerless? How is this possible?” Fury was intrigued.

“Father stripped him of his immortality and his magics. He is to live amongst you as human until he learns the error of his ways.”

“Well hell,” Fury shook his head. “Nice of your father to elect Earth as Loki’s place of exile. Seems like he just handed the problem over to us instead of dealing with it himself. Even without his power, I don’t fancy the idea of an errant, vengeful, crazy as cocoa puffs, ex-god running around.” 

“I am truly sorry, Thor. I apologize to you and the people of this dismal, dreary planet. Now let’s go home!” Loki was about to stand up, but Thor pushed him down back into the chair forcefully.

“Was that not a sincere enough apology for you, Thor? Very well. Tell me what I must do. Tell me, how many good deeds or acts of kindness I must display in order to appease father and end this nonsense.” Loki was getting impatient. “What must I do to leave this room, at least? I am growing bored of this...questioning.”

“I cannot interfere with father’s wishes, brother, much as I wish you were back at my side. I cannot say you didn’t bring this upon yourself.”

Fury scowled. “I elect you listen to this maniac, Thor. Take him back to Assgard or whatever the hell you call that realm of yours. I’m not looking to waste Shield resources babysitting any stranded Asgardians.”

“Finally, a reasonable mortal. I did not give you enough credit Fury. Thor, listen to him and bring me home. “

“While I think Thor should send your pasty ass back to where you came from, I still want answers first. Where did your alien army come from? Were you working alone?”

“Since you agree with my wanting to go back to Asgard, I will grant you this: my alien army comes from a dark place your meager realm could never imagine. You would do well not to look for them and hope that they forget your existence.”

“Keep talking, tough guy. I’m shaking in my expensive combat boots,” Fury said dryly. “And if any alien army wants to pick a fight, Earth is armed and ready. I’d like to see them get passed the Avengers. They already served you up a plate of whoopass. Thor, are you seriously considering leaving your homicidal brother on Earth? Mortal or not, I believe it’s only a matter a time before his crazy ass decides to call in a few more of his destructive friends to finish what he started.” Fury turned to a shield agent who was standing at the ready, waiting for orders. “Where’s Stark? I want to speak with him. Bring him to me.”

The agent nodded and slipped out of the room.

“Stark? What does Stark have to do with this? I merely used his convertible as convenient landing pad.” Loki narrowed his eyes at Fury and leaned forward. “What are you playing at, Fury?”

“Finding a way to keep you out of trouble.” Fury smiled wickedly as Tony was escorted into the room by an agent.

_ Uh oh _ . Tony’s stomach dropped. Smiling didn’t look natural on Fury. The man was usually all business and a complete hardass.  _ Why is he grinning at me like that?  _ “Fury. I’d say it’s nice to see you again, but that’d be a lie.” Tony held up his cuffed wrists. “Want to tell me why I’m being held captive like some kind of prisoner? You have 30 seconds of my time before I descend on you with a team of morally questionable lawyers.”

“Calm down, Stark. You’re not under arrest, although you should be for the shit Stark phone you invented. You know that thing cuts out on me everytime I drive through a tunnel? I have a job for you, Stark -- a job I hope you will take seriously. You see this psychopath in front of me? I need you to be his guardian. Don’t let him out of your sight. I want you to follow him everywhere. Hell, tuck him in at night before he goes to bed. The point is do not let him out of your sight! Are we clear?”

Tony blinked. “I’m going to need you to run that by me again, Captain Eyepatch. I’m nobody's guardian. Find somebody else to take care of Reindeer Games over there.”

“A guardian? I am over one thousand years old and you assign a middle aged Midgardian as my babysitter? And you all say that I’m insane. This is madness. How do you think this foolish man who wears iron underwear is capable of controlling me?” Loki growled. “Thor? Surely you see the foolishness of this? Are you really going to let Stark treat your brother as no more than a mortal child?”

“Out of all the discussions that have taken place in my interrogation room...” Fury palmed his head in his hands. “Stark’s choice of underwear has to be the worst.”

Thor stepped towards Tony. “I would greatly appreciate your assistance in this matter, Shieldbrother. Loki cannot be left unattended.”

“So why don’t you watch him?” Tony said petulantly. 

“I have other realms that need my help,” Thor said apologetically. “Draining Loki of his power exhausted my father. He has fallen into another Odinsleep. I cannot leave Asgard without a king. I would not impose Loki on you if it was not necessary.”

“ _ Impose _ ? I am not an imposition!” Loki yelled. “Stop talking about me as if I am not a prince of Asgard! I will not be watched over as if I am some naughty school boy! What’s next? Will you have Stark spank me if I misbehave?”

“That’s enough, Loki. Clearly he is not ready to cooperate with us. Tony, escort your ‘naughty school boy’ to his new room and get him out of my sight! This is not the end of this, Loki, I will question you about your alien ‘friends’ again. You can rest assured of that. I’ll see you later, Stark.” Fury stood up and left the room.

“I guess it is just us three.” Loki grinned at Stark and Thor. “Tell me, what fun things do you have in store for me now?”

“Can we gag him again?” Tony turned to Thor, exasperated. “I liked him better when you had him gagged.”


End file.
